From Woodstock up: The Journey

Joys and Sorrows abound

There is so much good written in the scriptures about motherhood that it is hard to believe some of us may have gotten it wrong. Heres a sample:

Proverbs 23:22-25

Listen to your father who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old. Buy truth, and do not sell it; buy wisdom, instruction, and understanding. The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice; he who fathers a wise son will be glad in him. Let your father and mother be glad; let her who bore you rejoice.

Psalm 139:13

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.

Ephesians 6:1-3

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”

I love to read about how its supposed to be. All that love and respect. I can relate especially to “do not despise your mother when she is old. Because motherhood is that glorious state of one who is co-creator with the Father God of all Life! We the mothers and fathers experience the miracle of birth and adore our progeny so how could that love not be reciprocated? Its inconceivable to me when the gift of life has been given.

So could we – I, have somehow overdone it and slipped into idolatry? Or have I tried to lift myself up to some crazy place? And assumed that love would be felt from me, appreciated and returned by all my children.

Maybe when the virgin Mary attained the status of sainthood somehow the scales were tipped and mothers in general were supposed to be elevated to the same position?

I know I have been no saint as a mother. And my mother before me was not. I came late to motherhood in the course of life but I certainly welcomed and cherished my children. I hoped to pour into them all the love and life’s lessons, both spiritual direction and practical, that I felt I had missed out on and not received enough of. Its difficult to navigate life without maternal guidance like I did. But I have discovered to my chagrin that one can also overdo it!

Now, 30+ years into mothering I began to hear that my so called helpful gifts and direction and wisdom is considered “love bombing”. Who made up that term? It seems to be very popular though and the newest way to push away loving attention and call it unwanted interference. I think that sadly it denigrates all motherly love and makes it “toxic”. I want not to believe this description with my whole heart and I want to reject the thought that caring can be unwanted and therefore toxic. However. However. What if its true?

I do know that a normal human reaction when one has failed to meet anyone else’s expectation is to push away, reject and deflect responsibility for that failure. Ultimately a projection of failure onto the other has to occur if responsibility and change is not to be assumed by a child in this particular diad. And now we see that brutal truth.

Bringing it full circle, we are

Children always of a loving father. His Love is so great, so deep, so wide that nothing will separate us from that love!(Romans 8:38-39). So I have been given the priveleged eyesight and perspective of God who sees the heart of men. His pain at the rejection of His creation by their Father God Creator is now mine.

Would Our Father have relinquished all expectations and all responsibility to show the higher paths that lead to eternal life? No He would not and so as a parent I could not begin to just quit being a mother either. It is part of the job description.

Now I understand why a rebellious progeny finds the presence of Godly loving parents completely intolerable.

And if others find themselves rejected as well I pray this understanding comes as some comfort.

Keep watching for your shepherd.